My girl Stevie laid it out today. She put words to a phenomena that eludes me yet chases me in all my waking moments. ...No bull.
Every once in a while when you read something, it sweeps out the cobwebs on the inside of your soul. It illuminates a darkened room within you, where you've gotten used to the light being so dim. She did that today. And conveniently, it was in divine time, seeing how my sis and I were just discussing the need to completely unplug, go vacay somewhere and be at rest in God's presence without distraction.
Yea. She laid this thang out.
And it spoke to me in a major way.
There are things in our lives, things about us, that we are not ready or able to accept. These things can hold us back from the light within ourselves and the light we're destined to shine in the future. And today, a whirlwind of inspiration has caused a bit of spiritual and emotional whiplash for me. I'm praising God and grimacing at the very same time, thinking, Really? Is there really not enough on my emotional plate already God? But God's timing is perfect and His momentum is the gentlest most explosive force in the universe. It's just that there is a ripping and a tearing apart that takes place deep in our souls when God is moving us toward the light, and it can cause momentary discomfort, which we associate as grief.
What does this look like for me? Well, looks like quite the week. And Stevie's post on Vacationing Alone was the cherry on top, the key to my spiritual ignition and a push into a journey toward the light. After I read her profoundly genuine piece, I was prompted to think, Shouldn't we live this way all the time? Which subsequently, prompted me to examine my own life priorities, routines and habits. She presents the case here for what is true life; being present, aware and extraordinarily grateful with every breath and in all things, [even] in solitude. She says,
There are so many things that I/we tend to ‘wait’ for others to do, but why? Flowers are just as beautiful if we give them to ourselves. Food is just as delectable when we make it with love just for us. Our bodies deserve to be sumptuous even when we’re the only ones touching it. God desires to hear from us even when there is no one else around to witness.
Now sis, that's truth. And I salute you from the brightest place in me, because you truly understand what it means to consciously walk the path toward a true love affair with God and self: grateful, deep, wide and bright. And the world (read: I) needs much more of that.
So I return here to shine. With no presumptions, few barriers and all the courage I can pray for.
By His Grace,
Z
“If someone does not want me it is not the end of the world, but if I do not want me the world is nothing but endings.”
-Nayyirah Waheed
