I have loved.

I have loved.
I have love,
that was misdirected,
deflected from self
and projected upon the unyielding beloved.
I have loved,
And I yearn for the boomerang
of its fervent toss:
so willing, so open, so honest.
But my boomerang wont come from your direction.
You've shown your dissension
for my choice to love Z.
If only you were A to my Z
we would have encompassed
the entire love language;
A language I still wait to hear,
But you've already spoken in your past life
in a language that I can't seem to understand.
But there is no doubt... I have loved,
Forsaking my peace for yours,
Crying out for you to see and relieve
my pain
from your chaos.
But all you desired
was a piece offering
of me,
to give you reprieve.
But what about Z?
What about LOVING me?
And instead of my peace,
I sipped the venom of deceit,
you offered empty promises, creating a whirlwind of chaos-love,
with dynamite dashes of your past life and
piercings in my heart from present deception,
causing my everydays
to be shrouded
in blues and grays.
What about that?
And still, I have loved.
And you rebuff me
because now
I love Z
with all the fervor
you never gave me,
without the heartache in which you bathed me.
In spite of;
I have
loved.
I would have wrapped rainbows across your shoulders
Been your Moon to shine on you
in your darkest moments.
I would have personally gone to God and asked permission
to grab the clouds, causing them to hover closer to earth
just to make a bed for you
scented with jasmine and aloe
So you could lay your head in peace.
I would have been your shooting star
to captivate your heart.
I would have done it all
Just for the love of you.
But,
my own head would never have rested upon such beauty
never smelled such pleasure
never shined in my dark place
never felt those rainbows
Because my love
was my own
And your love
was the Rubiks cube I could never get to line up for me.
Your love hovers elsewhere, far from Z
but close to the thought of me,
not quite reaching my presence.
Maybe it's in your past life
waiting to be recovered...
In the meantime
This woman's soul needs a Lov-er
to love her
as she did you.
Because there is no doubt:
I have loved.